Life's Cruel Reality
by fashionnightmare
Summary: Julian Larson X Logan Wright A Jogan Fic Slight Smut and angst. "It turned out that one tendril still kept him bound to this school and he was determined to break it; Once and for all."


Sitting on his bed in his dorm room, Julian gazed listlessly into the distance, shivering violently, his clothes soaked through.

Julian had stood out in the rain, staring blankly, trying to absorb the words that had been thrown at him mere minutes before.

"_I don't think I can ever feel that way about you, Jules. I'm sorry, I just can't. It isn't there, I don't…I don't love you Jules._"

He had simply blinked, no emotion breaking out of the cracks that had shot across his heart, making his chest ache. But he showed no pain. He had just turned around without a word, Logan calling after him, and out into the rain, hands in pockets until he was sure he was alone.

It was then that he had broken down, shoulders shaking viciously as he sobbed into his hands. He could barely breathe from the harsh pain in his chest.

He had stayed there for a good half an hour before returning to his room where he began to pack all of his things mindlessly. The string that tethered him to Dalton had finally snapped. He was going to leave forever.

So there he was, belongings packed, not knowing what to do next.

He was truly lost.

As his empty eyes scanned the now soulless room, something caught his eye. One photo was lying on the floor near his desk. He frowned ever so slightly. It must have fallen off the corkboard when he was removing the others.

Even as he leant down to pick it up he hesitated, he could see one of the people in the picture. Logan.

His hand hovered over the picture momentarily before he picked it up, his brow creasing and his eyes darkening, a determined glint colouring them. It turned out that one tendril still kept him bound to this school and he was determined to break it; Once and for all.

Next thing he knew, he had thrown the picture down on the floor and was strolling, as if he wasn't boiling with determination on the inside, out of his room and into Logan's.

He didn't even dare to stop and think.

The Warbler was sitting at his keyboard, staring vacantly at the keys, too guilty about what he'd said to Julian to play anything. That was until Julian came sauntering in, as if nothing had happened between them. He went straight over to Logan's docking station without a word, as if Logan wasn't even there, calmly scrolling through the long list of songs until he reached the one he was looking for.

"Jules?" Logan asked tentatively, turning his chair to face the actor, "What are you doing?"

Julian tensed slightly at the sound of his voice but he didn't let it show.

"I'm leaving tonight, and I'm not coming back," Logan blanched slightly at that before closing his eyes and hanging his head in guilt, "But I'll be damned if I leave without getting something out of my time here."

With that, he pressed the button, and the music began to play.

Logan simply sat there, dumbfounded and a little apprehensive as Julian opened his mouth and began to sing, turning to face Logan, bracing himself against the desk behind him, his eyes intense.

_Dear, I fear we're facing a problem_

_You love me no longer, I know_

_And maybe there is nothing_

_That I can do to make you do_

_Mama tells me I shouldn't bother_

_That I ought to stick to another man_

_A man that surely deserves me_

_But I think you do._

Logan gulped uneasily as Julian shoved away from the desk and sauntered towards him, his hands going to his tie, removing it slowly and dropping it onto the floor as he ran his tongue sensually over his lips, wetting them and making Logan's eyes widen in shock.

_So I cry, and I pray and I beg_

"Julian?" He cried out as the brunet abruptly straddled Logan's lap, his hands going to his shock of silky blond hair and tugging roughly, rejoicing in the cry it produced as he pressed the side of his face against Logan's and harshly continued to sing into the prefect's ear.

_Love me love me_

_Say that you love me_

_Fool me fool me_

_Go on and fool me_

Logan's hands were at Julian's waist, frantically trying to push him off. Trying to make him see reason as he babbled nonsensically, but Julian wasn't listening.

Logan knew this song, and understood the message that Julian was trying to get across to him which made him even more scared.

_Love me love me_

_Pretend that you love me_

_Leave me leave me_

_Just say that you need me_

Soon, Julian's lips were running over the shell of Logan's ear, singing huskily as his hands moved down Logan's upper body and back up to grip his biceps.

Logan was left helpless; he was at a loss for what to do, his best friend, who was in love with him, whom he didn't feel the same way towards, was on top of him, practically grinding against him.

He didn't want this. He didn't want Julian like that. He had no romantic feelings for his best friend and though he had though long and hard about it, he had always known that there was nothing there.

But Julian was being _very_ convincing and Logan's resistance was slowly dwindling into a raw need, not love, nor romance, just need. But Logan had a feeling that was all Julian was looking for.

_So I cry, and I pray and I beg for you to_

_Love me love me_

_Say that you love me_

_Leave me leave me_

_Just say that you need me_

_I can't care 'bout anything but you_

Without any warning, Julian stood, tearing Logan from his seat and pushing him forcefully onto the bed, stalking towards him, picking his tie up from where he'd let it drop onto the floor.

_Lately I have desperately pondered,_

_Spent my nights awake and I wonder_

_What I could have done in another way_

_To make you stay_

_Reason will not lead to solution_

_I will end up lost in confusion_

_I don't care if you really care_

_As long as you don't go_

Logan simply lay there, wide eyed and breathing heavily as Julian once again straddled him, pinning his arms above his head and leaning down, still singing seductively, to quickly lick a strip up Logan's strong neck.

_So I cry, I pray, and I beg_

The blond shivered involuntarily as Julian released his hands, only to bind them together with his tie. Logan didn't even fight him and his exclamations of Julian's name had long stopped being ones of panic and warning, but of surprised longing and lust.

_Love me, love me_

_Say that you love me_

_Fool me, fool me_

_Go on and fool me_

_Love me, love me_

_Pretend that you love me_

He sang that last line with conviction and when he did, Julian looked straight into Logan's eyes. Brown into Green meaningfully.

_Leave me, leave me_

_Just say that you need me_

_So I cry, and I pray for you to_

_Love me, love me_

_Say that you love me_

_Leave me, leave me_

_Just say that you need me_

_I can't care 'bout anything but you_

Julian rest his forehead against Logan's and closed his eyes practically breathing the next line.

_Anything but you_

For the nth time Julian moved his lips to Logan's ear, mouthing along his jaw first, to hoarsely finish the song.

_Love me, love me (Say that you love me)_

_Fool me, fool me (Go on and fool me)_

_Love me, love me (I know that you need me)_

_I can't care 'bout anything but you_

The music faded out, leaving only the boys' combined heavy breathing.

There was a moment's silence when neither of them moved.

That was until Logan's hands came over Julian's head and he flipped them over so that the actor was on his back, the positions reversed.

Julian's heart began to beat ferociously as Logan looked down at him; his green eyes darker than he had ever seen them, his bound hands were behind his head, gripping the dark hair at the nape of the actor's neck painfully. Julian simply looked up at him defiantly.

Slowly, Logan lowered his head until his lips were a hair's breadth away from Julian's, he could feel Julian's frantic breath on his face, and he could see every fleck of colour in his deep brown eyes. He could feel the actor's heart hammering away in his chest.

After what seemed like hours of simply staring at each other Logan gently closed the gap and pressed his lips to Julian's. The touch of their lips was as soft as butterfly's wings but it still sent Julian gasping for air and his hands gripped Logan's shirt, pulling his body closer.

Soon, the kiss became deeper as their tongues brushed against one another and Julian's fingers rubbed circles into the sensitive skin at Logan's hips making the blond moan deep in his throat. The stimulation Julian was giving Logan was causing the blond to subtly move against the brunet underneath him, causing them to moan into each others' mouth as they began to grind harder, the kiss becoming fiercer, less languid and more teeth, tongue and bruised lips.

Logan didn't know what he was doing, or, more importantly, why he was doing it. This was his best friend, the one who had loved him for three years. He shouldn't be doing this. But he couldn't stop. This must be torture for Julian.

But it wasn't. Julian knew that this was the first and the last chance he would ever get to be close to Logan like this. To make him moan, to kiss his lips, feel the muscles in his back shift as he moved against him. The only chance he would ever get to be the one in the bed, not the one in the other room, hearing the headboard slam against the wall repeatedly.

This was his last chance to break that last tendril.

Soon, clothes were shed until they were both left in their underwear, Logan with his leg in between Julian's as they ground against one another, moaning and gasping as they bit and sucked at each other's skin, the heat between them building quickly.

Logan had now built a wall in his mind. This wall prevented Logan from thinking of the boy beneath him as Julian, but it meant that he was thinking of this as just another one of those interesting, albeit rare occasions, where Logan went down to the local bar and picked up a random guy. It was meaningless. Wonderful, racy, euphoric but still meaningless.

Logan had to resign himself to the fact that this was going to be the same as one of those flings. Because, after all, he wasn't going to see Julian again after this and, for all he had known of Julian's feelings prior to Hell Night, he might as well be a stranger.

So, when Logan kissed his way down Julian's body, he tried to ignore the familiarity of the toned chest that he had seen on many a day on the beach; or the moans, the sound of his name rolling off those sumptuous lips which were all too familiar, despite the now lustful undercurrent to the exclamations. No. He ignored all of that as he tugged the offending garment of clothing off the toned body and teased Julian, not quite giving him what he wanted, despite how hard Julian was tugging on Logan's hair, or how hard he was pushing the Prefect's head towards the desired target.

Logan, however, was grinning as he teased the actor, his now unbound hands pinned Julian's hips to the mattress as he finally, painfully slowly descended to the base and Julian, having held his breath in wonder and pleasure as the blond took him all in, cried out in shock and ecstasy as Logan swallowed, his throat shifting around the actor.

Neither boys spoke as they continued. They spoke through their bodies. A touch there, a look, even the silence sometimes could talk to them.

It wasn't long before Logan was positioned at Julian's entrance; one hand on Julian's hip, rubbing gentle circles that brought goose bumps to the surface of the skin.

When Logan finally slipped in, slowly, prolonging the feeling, Julian mewled softly, his hands gripping the sheets, making his knuckles white.

They neither were gentle nor rough, loving nor emotionless, present nor absent: they just…were. It seemed so natural, almost like breathing. When one moved, the other followed, there were no pauses, no questioning glances sent, no answers needed. They just knew.

Maybe that was why it was so heartbreaking.

They were so in-synch; so perfect together; one and the same, almost.

But, as always, life never lends you the matching hand, the perfect hand. It's never simple, never fair.

One loves, the other doesn't.

It is far more common than you would believe.

For, why would you be given the easy path when there is the hard path, it may drop, rise, twist, break and mend—but it will always lead you to the same place as the other road. You may appreciate the worth of the place if you took the hard path, you may not. That's your decision. But at the end of it all, you did take the hard path, and you can't change your past. Just like Julian couldn't look back at Dalton Academy as he drove away, because he took the hard road, he'd set his future out for him, he knew that it was not going to be straight and simple; not like the easy road. No. He knew what he was in for. His heart was already breaking with every step that took him away from where Logan lay in that bed, staring at the ceiling, feeling lost.

The matching hand may have been there, but that doesn't mean you always notice it, because why would you notice something that matches you perfectly. You're far more likely to notice the hand that contrasts you, that challenges you when you try to come together. Why take the easy option and settle for your matching hand, when you could take the hard option and struggle to mould yourself to that other hand?

But you never notice your matching hand until it's gone, it's only then, when you've lost them forever that you notice the gap they've left.

And that is life's cruel reality.


End file.
